Friday, August 12, 2011

Allow Me To Retort

Today, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled "Obamacare" (Affordable Care Act) unconstitutional.

Of course, the White House was not pleased with the decision and issued a statement on the White House blog. I'll save you some time and provide the most qualifying comments...with Skippy "addendum's", of course.

“There has been no shortage of court cases regarding the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act. Before today, four courts, including the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals, examined the health reform law and found it constitutional.  Today, a different court ruled against the Affordable Care Act’s individual responsibility provision. We strongly disagree with this decision and we are confident it will not stand.”

Skippy summation: "We would like to pick and choose which law is good and which law is bad. You see, these judges over here are making the right decisions...those over there are not. Since these judges over here agree with us, then they are right. Since those judges over there do not agree with us, they are wrong. Questions?"

“The individual responsibility provision – the main part of the law at issue in these cases – is constitutional. Those who claim this provision exceeds Congress’ power to regulate interstate commerce are incorrect.”

Skippy summation: "It's constitutional because we say it's constitutional...capiche? Those who claim this provision exceeds Congress' power to regulate are either Tea Party terrorists, or people who think that government should not be able to tell its people what they should buy and how much they should pay for it, essentially destroying any free market solution. The former probably believe that government should allow the free market to decide the price of goods and services. Those same people probably assume that pharmaceutical companies who make profits from people being sick is a good thing, in that the desire to make profits cure disease and increase the medical welfare of the people, as shown over the last 100 years. Those same people probably wish that government would help increase the supply of doctors vice incentivizing the increase of supply of free riders who increase the demand of medical services (increase in demand with decrease in supply...aka, what economists call a shortage...we've seen that in Canada and the U.K., but we're confident it just can't happen here...we're awesome!). We completely disagree with those people. They are idiots."

“Individuals who choose to go without health insurance are making an economic decision that affects all of us – when people without insurance obtain health care they cannot pay for, those with insurance and taxpayer are often left to pick up the tab.”

Skippy's summation: "Not one single person in this country goes without health care. There are, of course, people who go without health insurance. We'd like to conflate those two so that you find it harder to understand. You see, while we don't have a problem with illegal immigrants who use health care and make the rest of us pay for it, those Americans who do the same are bad, very bad people. Also, we don't like that people can make economic decisions that affect other people. For example, if you have an iPad and I don't, you've created a inequality that just can not stand in this America, comrade. If you have great insurance, and this guy over here does not have great insurance, well, that just will not stand. We must make everyone equal. To each according to his ability, to each according to his need. (P.S.--the "pick up the tab" thing was probably a bad choice of words after Congress increased the debt limit this past week, ensuring our children's children's children will be picking up the tab of our current spending)."

“That’s why the Affordable Care Act requires everyone who can afford it to take responsibility for their own health care and carry some form of health insurance.”

Skippy's summation: "We'd like you to take personal responsibility for your own health care, but we need you to choose this plan for this price...we don't care if you don't like it and could do better. Or for that matter, we don't care if the country can't actually pay for this system. We're talking about your personal responsibility, not the government's responsibility, ok? You see, health care is a right. If we call it a right, the government must pay for it. You question this? Capitalist Pig! Now that we think about it, isn't food a right? Well, we'll be implementing the Affordable Safeway and Kroger Act soon which will ensure everyone eats well and doesn't have to pay for it. Also, we plan on enacting the Affordable House Act, which will ensure everyone has a free house to live in. I mean, if health care is a right, then surely food and and a place to live are also. And for that matter, we'd like to see the Affordable Water, Sewage, and Electricity Act, because people have rights to those also. How could you live without water, sewage or electricity? Those are rights too. And since everyone needs to be able to transport themselves to their jobs, we'll be recommending the Affordable Car Act, followed shortly by the Affordable Gas Act. I mean, a car without gas does no good, right? We plan on funding these too, via the federal government...we'll just need to continue to increase your taxes. What, you have a problem with increasing your taxes? What are you, a terrorist?"

Well, in all seriousness, I don't blame the White House for responding. It was a great piece to read (and I know the brother of the author...Guano, you owe me money). It just still amazes me that so many people still believe in the fallacy of a socialist world. It doesn't work. I wish I could say something to these people who believe in socialism that would change their mind. But there's really nothing I can say. Like telling my daughter, over and over, not to touch the hot stove, sometimes...well, she just has to touch the stove to see that it really will burn.

I just wish we all didn't have to feel the pain along with them.

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